Darkness

Darkness always terrified me for it brought back painful memories of my childhood days. When I was younger, I used to fear the dark. The fact that I could not see where I was going, and the tales of “momos” waiting to spring at me, told by relatives who want to make sure that I stay still at one place, struck terror of the dark into me.

"This is the last straw!" shouted my mother in a shrill voice as she dropped something heavily to the floor. I was in my bedroom and could hear the quarrel between my parents late one night. She reacted angrily to my father’s new job which kept him occupied with meeting and projects almost every night. Very much neglected for two continuous months, my mother’s patience snapped that evening.

I listened and shivered silently in the darkness. I cannot describe the fear. The darkness seemed to suffocate me, destroying all the sense of security I had, I badly wanted to have the lights on but the bulb had fused the day before. My lather had promised to replace a new bulb that evening bur the job was delayed by his new job. That was their first and worst quarrel between my parents in their ten years of marriage. Clutching my teddy bear close to me, I whispered a prayer that my parents would not end up with a separation. Such morbid thoughts were unusual for a five-year old child but not so when one is exposed to adult conversations. Fortunately, the quarrel only led to a few days of non-communication between my parents. Realizing his mistakes, my dad rescheduled his priorities and was thus successful in his reconciliation with my mother.

It was also in the darkness that I lost my pet dog Snowy that same year. We had just come home from supper and were walking towards the house with Snowy running ahead of us. All of a sudden, the streetlights went off along a short stretch of road. It was pitch darkness and as we walked cautiously together, I called out for Snowy. My heart was cold with fear and discomfort. What followed seemed to be within a flash. There was a screeching sound of a car and Snowy was hit. I was horrified to see Snowy dead on the road and the bloody sight was firmly imprinted on my mind. Although my parents comforted me with a new dog, I lost my appetite for a week and cried for Snowy in my sleep.

Consequently, for two years in my life following these two incidents, I often associated darkness with unhappy events. I slept with lights on throughout the night so as to get rid of frightening images that often flitted across my mind. It wasn’t until my grandfather decided to knock some sense into his descendant that helped me to overcome this fear of darkness and I began to understand the beauty of darkness.

DARKNESS BEAUTY

My grandfather had been a night watchman for more than forty years of his life. He thrived on darkness; in other word, he was perfectly comfortable in the dark. After he retired, when I was out ten years old, we became great pals. He discovered that I had an irrational fear of the dark and decided to take me in his hands. His methods were drastic. He brought me to dark places during the weekends and school holidays and made me confront my fear. After about a year or so, not only did I overcome my fear of the dark, I actually came to prefer darkness to light.

I now enjoy wandering in the darkness all by myself. I also enjoy sitting in wooded areas at night, my body properly insulated with mosquito repellent, listening to the sounds made by the creatures all around me. The quietness, which usually accompanies darkness, thrills me as I try to blend in and be part of nature. Nature is very much alive at night. A lot of animals and birds come out at night. After listening intently to the bullfrogs singing, I came to realize that it sounds like a strange orchestra. I found out later that what they are doing is singing love songs to attract the females. I also found out that crickets the loudest noise makers at night – are also calling out to their girlfriends. Now how could anyone be afraid of the sounds of love?

Having spent a lot of time in the dark, I have developed a keenness of sight and hearing. I can now hear very soft sounds and see things which others cannot see. This is very thrilling, to be able to confidently move about the jungle, and actually enjoy the darkness. The real thrill is the loneliness that I used to fear. Being alone in the dark in strange surroundings brings out the explorer in me. I feel so powerful that I am alone and that there is no one else nearby.

About fears of the supernatural, grandpa has told me that there is no such thing as supernatural. He said that ghosts are as natural as the living. I have not met any yet, but I hope to one day. In fact I would probably be thrilled when a ghosts walks up – of floats up – and introduces himself or herself.